Gardener of dream

      « How about your life review before your 30’s ? » I am in the kitchen of a friend. We are preparing a good diner while having a conversation and his question is surprising me. I stop cutting the carrots and think of my answer. I make up a quick one, while trying to think about it seriously « Great years are ahead, with lot of realisations I hope and blablabla… » But I leave his house with the question still running in my head.

    In the eyes of society, the balance is null: I am not married, I don’t have children, I haven’t buy any house, nor lawn-mower and I even recently sold my car and quit my job! The balance is not negative neither: I am not divorced, I am not single mum, I don’t have debts and I am healthy. Actually, I do not wish to make a life assessment at thirty years old.

      Because on the brink of my 30s something great happened. I suddenly felt a powerful desire to live, to really l-i-v-e. I felt the irresistible need to stop my efforts to enter in the already made society boxes. Instead, I decided to set my head to be more attentive to my heart. And I decided to live my heart guiding me and help me to find my place in this world.

       It isn’t easy to listen to my heart in this society where DOING and HAVING are reigning a master in all minds. On St. James way, it seemed to me easier to listen to it. Indeed, there were only one thing to DO: to walk. And there were very few things to HAVE, so my my bag wouldn’t be too heavy. As consequence, I could easily concentrate on BEING. Ha! It is so good to BE, here, now, entirely. And when I felt myself BEING, I could hear the whispers of my own heart, so not used to be listened to.

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         But there are people who know how to use the compass of their hearts and  they haven’t necessary walk for months and months. How do they do? Or how did they do that? It is very simple, they authorised them-self to dream! Yes, I am affirmative! In business they call it « the vision », and the great men and women they simply call it « a dream ». Martin Luther King did a dream, he said it well. And Oscar Wilde advices to dream big. In many books of self development the question is about developing our own dream. A huge dream, even a bit crazy, why not! The aim is not to reach the dream, neither to fully realise it. But to generate in ourself, consciously and unconsciously enough energy to get close to it.

« Wisdom is to have dreams that are big enough not to lose sight when we pursue them!  » Oscar Wilde

      For now my dream looks like a jigsaw with some very clear and bright pieces and some others rather blurred or dark. However, it slowly takes shape. I know it and I feel it: I experience more joy and also more doubts. I have more positive and creative ideas and sometimes it distracts me from my dream. I have many little projects and above all a lot of energy which I am slowly learning to channel. This is why at the drawn of my 30’s birthday I have decided to become the gardener of my own dream. I have decided to grow it and take care of it. So that I  can happily take stock of my life for my 60’s birthday.

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