Silence

 « I feel an urgent need for silence.

No one to listen to. No one to talk to.

Just the space of silence.

 

A free space, surely,

But not empty.

It is full of my inner story. 

So many good moments. So many achievements.

So many friends on my side. So many changes inside.

 

 

I need to listen. I need to be still.

Stop! Shush!

Just silence.

 

And when finally come an hour, calm and silent,

Then, peace joins me like a confidante .

I know I am alive. And I thrive.

I barely know where my life is going

And still, step by step I’m growing.

 

Sensation of floating in my intuitions.

It is inside this lively silence,

That I recharge my conscience.

 

 I never enjoyed so much before

The absence of turbulence .

A great experience

Which makes so much sense. »

 

Silence

 

 

Publicités

P like…Panic, Paralysed, Passage

There are some fears which provokes internal Panic state and Paralyses. It takes you there (in the belly or in the throat) and nothing seems Possible anymore. It is like a rite of Passage on the way of anyone taking a new path of life. And it is important to not stop for so little (no matter how big it seems!).

Few weeks ago a friend shared to me a Picture of a Parisian tag which suggests to become the scarecrow of our fears.
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« And I became the scarecrow of my fears »

Two weeks latter here I am: with a nagging pit in my stomach. And my head is asking all kind of dangerous questions such as »What on hearth am I doing? Is that a good idea?… » Indeed, my sabbatical year is reaching its end. I am still travelling, also I am supposed to Prepare actively my next step, my new life. And it is a real challenge to stay Positive when Panic is invading me to the point I feel sometimes Paralysed and tempted to remain Passive.
Fortunately, I know by experience that this is a Passage way. It is neither bad sign, neither good sing. It is simply the fear of the unknown and the uncontrolled. I felt exactly the same way a year ago, when I was thinking of quitting my job. Therefore I am currently trying to become the scarecrow of my fears. And above all, I continue my way. In any case, after few days spent at level -10 of the Positivity scale, I start to really look like a scarecrow scary enough to scare my own fears!
Since almost 3 weeks I am travelling on the french Atlantic coast and I am meeting people who are working in the fields I am interested in. It is the occasion to receive loads of new leads about how to start and also it is a good way to fill my phone with new contacts and even contacts of my nez contacts which are leaving where I want to settle in Septembre.
You no longer have a label, But you have a ticket
Tama J.Kieves in This Time I dance
To remain Positive, the best of the best  is the Possibility to share with a friend in the same situation. As currently I don’t know anyone in my Position, I keep Predominantly talking to any good ear, I spend my Physical energy by Practising sport and I Provide inspiring reading to my mind.
It is worth Putting one more Print on my way to the Positive Possibles futures!
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>>> What about you? How do you deal with the natural anxiety which comes just before he start of a project out of your confort zone? Don’t hesitate to share your strategy in the comments!

In Andean Argentina

I am walking ahead of the group. We are hiking in the Andes. We are 4 french: 3 guys I met at the hostel and myself. This moring a lady told us about this trail which goes up the crest.

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The earth is green and red, depending on the stratum and above all it is extremely crumbly. From far away the crest appears as fine and fragile as  lace. From time to time I stop and wait for the rest of the group who films, takes pictures and jokes. At the beginning of the crest Vincent opens the way, there is a bit of wind, I don’t feel reassured, but I follow. Everyone speaks a lot, I don’t feel confortable at all. We do a small break, someone asks « Everyone’s ok? », my legs are shaking. I answer that I am not. Indeed I feel suddenly so tall…too tall, as if I was miles above the ground that I am treading upon. I have the impression that if a gust of wind makes me loose my equilibrium, my hands would need so much time to reach the ground and stabilise that I would have most probably tumble down the mountain already. I say « I know it is in my head but… » Someone cuts me « It doesn’t matter, use your hands too! On all fours, let’s go ! ».

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So I do: I use my hands to help myself and try to not think  about the risks I am exposing myself to. On the middle of the way there is a big stone. I sit there and for a moment listen to my companions. And finally I  gather my thoughts: I am determine to finish this crest on my 2 legs. I study the ground as if I was  taming the slope on the right, and the slope on the left. Then I focalise my gaze on the little track, just wide enough for one foot. I straighten up and I progress completely focused. One step after the other. I walk slowly, up to the end of the crest. It feels like I am doing my first steps again. I feel determined, focused, bit prouder at each one of my steps and then it feels like a liberation. I surpassed myself! I fight my fear and I won. To the point that I am tempted to go back by the same way, just to savoure the fact that I -can -do- it!

I haven’t felt such a sensation of surpassing myself since a long time and I like it. It gives me the taste of risks and success. And what actually remains deeply anchored in me from the experience is this learning: to success it is imperative to focus on my way…only on my way.

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Gardener of dream

      « How about your life review before your 30’s ? » I am in the kitchen of a friend. We are preparing a good diner while having a conversation and his question is surprising me. I stop cutting the carrots and think of my answer. I make up a quick one, while trying to think about it seriously « Great years are ahead, with lot of realisations I hope and blablabla… » But I leave his house with the question still running in my head.

    In the eyes of society, the balance is null: I am not married, I don’t have children, I haven’t buy any house, nor lawn-mower and I even recently sold my car and quit my job! The balance is not negative neither: I am not divorced, I am not single mum, I don’t have debts and I am healthy. Actually, I do not wish to make a life assessment at thirty years old.

      Because on the brink of my 30s something great happened. I suddenly felt a powerful desire to live, to really l-i-v-e. I felt the irresistible need to stop my efforts to enter in the already made society boxes. Instead, I decided to set my head to be more attentive to my heart. And I decided to live my heart guiding me and help me to find my place in this world.

       It isn’t easy to listen to my heart in this society where DOING and HAVING are reigning a master in all minds. On St. James way, it seemed to me easier to listen to it. Indeed, there were only one thing to DO: to walk. And there were very few things to HAVE, so my my bag wouldn’t be too heavy. As consequence, I could easily concentrate on BEING. Ha! It is so good to BE, here, now, entirely. And when I felt myself BEING, I could hear the whispers of my own heart, so not used to be listened to.

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         But there are people who know how to use the compass of their hearts and  they haven’t necessary walk for months and months. How do they do? Or how did they do that? It is very simple, they authorised them-self to dream! Yes, I am affirmative! In business they call it « the vision », and the great men and women they simply call it « a dream ». Martin Luther King did a dream, he said it well. And Oscar Wilde advices to dream big. In many books of self development the question is about developing our own dream. A huge dream, even a bit crazy, why not! The aim is not to reach the dream, neither to fully realise it. But to generate in ourself, consciously and unconsciously enough energy to get close to it.

« Wisdom is to have dreams that are big enough not to lose sight when we pursue them!  » Oscar Wilde

      For now my dream looks like a jigsaw with some very clear and bright pieces and some others rather blurred or dark. However, it slowly takes shape. I know it and I feel it: I experience more joy and also more doubts. I have more positive and creative ideas and sometimes it distracts me from my dream. I have many little projects and above all a lot of energy which I am slowly learning to channel. This is why at the drawn of my 30’s birthday I have decided to become the gardener of my own dream. I have decided to grow it and take care of it. So that I  can happily take stock of my life for my 60’s birthday.

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Let’s bounce! 

Résilience ! Since I joined Place to B, I hear a lot this word. Almost unused in the French vocabulary until recently, this word has now invaded the life of French people. Personally, I am not a big fan of this word, probably because the first time I heard it, I associated it to the word resignation which I don’t really like. In fact, resilience is the ability of a person to accept and act in a situation which generate stress. It is the capacity of this person to protect herself in that situation. Her capacity  to find a new balance and to take action in such a way that it will turn the situation to the advantage of that person. It is actually our ability to bounce back.

  And if this word is so used in the CoP 21 discussions it is because as said so well this morning the reporter-filmmaker Slater Jewell-Kemker:  » Our future is not the future promised by our parents, but it is the incredible possibility to build a new world. »

Are you ready to bounce?

 

A Feel Good moment 

It is my second day in Galicia. This morning I started early and I am now running out of water. As I arrive in a small village, in the courtyard of a farm there is a colourful table full of fruits, biscuits and juices. It is a donativo for the pilgrims. 

  
I enter, take my water bag out of my bag and go to the tap. At this moment, one of the owner appears and comes to help me. He is warm and welcoming, his name is Simon and after introducing each other we have a nice conversation about the French part of the camino, his cats and his donativo project. He offers me some banana bread, which I happily taste. 
I start to feel cold, and tell him that it is time for me to walk again. He opens his arms to hug me and tells me: « Have a good life, give lot of love on the camino and after ». I smile in his arms and answer « Thank you, I will, I will ». And then, to my surprise he continues to hug me. My inner voice goes  » Hey you! We are not friends, what are you doing ?! » and 2 seconds later « Hum that feels very good, actually I could stay there! ». Finally this hug ends. I leave with a big smile on my face, I pass the door and laugh. I laugh at myself, and I laugh at this funny episode. For the next hour, I keep smiling and smilling. Inside, I fell invaded by the urge of hugging all the ones I love. 
Live, Love and Laugh! 

  

The pilgrim state, a way of being

  Yesterday I shared a table with a group of hikers in their fifties. A man more curious than the others asked me lot of questions “Where did you start?” “Where are you going ?” “Why do you go til the end?” “Is the way helping you in your reflexion?” This question inhabited me for the rest of the afternoon. Is the way helping me? Since I left, I am floating on the ocean of encounters, discussions, experiences and reading of books & magazines borrowed for an evening in the halt. And thinking of it, yes I believe it is nourishing my reflexion. No need to focus on my objectives and to think of it days and nights to reach it. I have it clear in my head but on the way it is like in life: everything comes at the right time, and sometimes not in the order I would imagine. As I spend my days outside and speaking with people (when I am not walking on my own), I now reached a new state of being: the pilgrim state.

The pilgrim state is about the body as much as the spirit and the heart.

  First of all there is the body. This body which carry a bag and walk in average 20km per day. This body is under new pressures and soon start to scream: for me it has been the Achilles’ tendon, for others it has been blisters or shoulders pain. Once the 10 first days are passed, my body became used to the rhythm. At that point I realised I had lost the notion of time : I don’t use my watch anymore, I don’t know which day of the week we are. I eat when I am hungry, I do breaks when I feel pain or tiredness. And I sleep and wake up when my body ask for it. It might sound like holidays-luxury-mode but it is actually a great learning. Indeed, it happen that all the books or magazines I found on my way in the last few halt were all about this topic: the language of our body. Our body express many things and if we listen to those signs it becomes easier to live, to interact with others and even to make choices! My body is wise and on the way there is the space and the time to learn more its language. It is sometimes more difficult to accept to rest for a day or to understand that the pain is not necessary related to physical effort but to something bothering me since a day or two. In any case, it is a great lesson, a universal lesson in the pilgrim’s universe.


And there is also the spirit and the heart. I did this experience few times since Le Puy: to share to someone I met few hours before, something I would usually share only to a very close friend. It is part of the magic of the way: everyone is walking there for a very specific reason, I meet people who live miles away from my home, totally detached from my friends and family circles. Therefore I know the confidence will remain secret and won’t impact further my life. It becomes more easy to share thoughts and questions, It has a liberating effect and the discussion often help to move forward. It is comfortable and make me realise once again that often exchanging few words can lead me further on my way.

Et voila! This is the pilgrim state of being: listening to the body and clearing the heart and the spirit. I highly recommend the experience, it feel and taste good!