I came back from Santiago on the 13th of November. In the morning, I went through the border between France and Spain, and I read the headlines in the newspapers. It was talking about closing the borders. I didn’t know why, I didn’t understand. In the car between Hendaye and Montpellier the driver of the car-share exposed to me his vision of the French news and international news. He mentioned Syria. I didn’t know why, I hadn’t followed the news. But his talk stunned me and made me dizzy. Am I well and truly going back to France? The France I know? It seemed to me that something had changed.
The next morning; when I heard during breakfast the words « 3 attacks », « Paris », « Isis », « more than 100 dead », « Syria », I first couldn’t feel anything. As if I couldn’t connect to this reality. Indeed, after being away for 2 months, after walking for more than thousand kilometres, I lightened myself and experienced the essential. I have now the taste for life rhythmed by nature, for happy little moments, taste for simplicity and taste for taking the time; because time is the guaranty of quality. I want to contribute to a sustainable world, and not to a disposable world. Therefore, in that tragic morning, I became very conscious of the fact that all this violence, all those strategic games related to oil and other energy; we are the direct victims of it. It creates lot of agitation. And this is distracting everyone from keeping doing what each of us can do at best on earth to contribute positively to the world. I was and I am convinced, we need to continue living life, love and keep the peace in our heart and around us.
However, during the 3 days of national mourning, I slowly took the measure of the situation. First, I felt powerless: « How my actions of ordinary citizen can influence such events? » Then, I thought about running away: « I don’t want all this agitation, I’d better to go to the mountains and learn how to grow vegetables. » So I decided to read, I read the testimony of Erwan, a former university friend, who was in Bataclan that evening. I have also seen the front pages of all newspapers becoming so red. I could observe the limit between the « good » and the « bad » becoming suddenly very clear…too clear? When the policemen made their intervention to arrest/eliminate the terrorists few streets away from my brother’s apartment I felt fear creeping into myself. Slowly, just a timorous voice whispering « Are you sure I still want to go to Paris next week? What will you bring there? You are taking a risk with your life. »